PART I
The same question
Often after a meal
when the stomach is full
and the mind is free
To wander — To wonderWhat do I want?
What should I want?
What should I want to want?The same question
asking the same thing
asking on tirelessly
Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What excites me? Where do I want to be in 10 years? What legacy do I want to leave behind? What is my definition of success? What do I value? What adds value to my life? What is my direction? What do I believe in? What is my purpose in life? What do I love doing? What do I want to solve? What is my vision? Beyond money, why do I exist? What is worth doing? What should I do? What’s my bucket list? What is my goal? How will I know when I’ve scored? What is worth suffering for? What will bring me joy and happiness? What am I born to do? What am I capable of? What do I care about? Whom do I look up to? How would the person I’d like to be, do the things I am about to do? What do I look forward to? Whom am I chasing? What are my hopes? If this were the last day of my life, would I be doing what I’m about to do? Why do I wake up in the morning? Why do I not kill myself? Do I love myself, when will I? What do I stand for? What am I meant to do? What is my rhythm? What I am not? What do I not want to do? What do I fear most?
The response may be multiple, singular, instinctive, deeply thought, consistent over decades, or in constant refreshment. There are always answers, I gather:
Do what you do because you can. Make good art. Large human impact through small achievable goals. Provide for my family by making good films. Serve the poor through self-experimentation. Think for thinking’s sake. Want only what I can see, and what I can see, is in front of me. Wake up everyday to an exciting future and where humanity has an increasing chance of survival. Empower every organisation and every individual to do and achieve more. Be a part of something larger than myself. Design and draw to enrich businesses that make me bring joy and engagement to my clients and customers. Be braver, work harder, and always be closing. Be formless, shapeless, like water. Think of it as surfing, to learn to wait a long time for a wave — which others may ride spectacularly while I fail. Be one with the universe. Be in a state of flow. Have hope. Stay hungry, stay foolish.
They only ask that I keep a lookout.
For nothing is eternal —
Except nothing itself
“Nothing” alone is eternal
An eye cannot see itself, a tongue cannot taste itself, and the fingertip cannot feel itself. It is a strange ask of the self to anticipate itself. I may instead slip into an easier story, an easier self: I become what I think you think I am. I learn from you, and you from me, to want; a destination which stands for success; from the supermarket of stories; which we will find; if only we keep looking; such is the journey.
Why is it so important to expect an identity, meaning, and purpose of ourselves and each other? It seems like without them we might perish. We better surround ourselves with our newspapers and conversations, about climate change and who-did-what, through labels and gambles, to feel all the emotions of the rainbow. What if I don’t fancy any of the stories on sale? Can I not want an identity at all?
The hard question of life
Always putting up an actLook too closely; or not enough
Unbeknownst to you
The act will have become you!
